Conversations generally take the first direction rather than the second, simply because we seem to be so averse to accepting that people are blank canvases.
People cling to the notion that messages are powerful, and that audiences are passive. There is a belief that all we have to do is say what we want and let the communication process take care of itself. On the contrary this is why there are so many communication glitches in our society today.
Many people function in this communication mode. Assuming that saying something will make it happen and this is not the case. People believe that getting the message ‘in’ is the critical part of the process; this can be witnessed when two people are having a conversation and each one is talking over the other, I am sure you have either witnessed this or been the recipient of this?
Many people are under the false assumption that words have a magic power of their own before which all resistance crumbles. In fact words are only 7% effective opposed to meaning and intent behind words which is 33%, body language being 55% of the overall spectrum.
When people try and communication effectively, they often fail for many reasons. However, interesting enough, this does not cripple people’s personal or professional life. What is obvious is that they just get by with this type of communication, never really allowing a deeper kind of communication skill to emerge.
When the communication in relationships starts to show cracks this is when the crisis in relationships start to happen and why we now have a devastating divorce rate as opposed to the past, when technology was less of a threat to our social equilibrium.
I suppose you could ask the question, ‘well what would be the ultimate benefits of being able to communicate at this higher level of skill?’
Here are some examples below:
- Less disagreements
- Greater security in relationships
- A feeling of really contributing and caring to the conversations you hold
- The other person feeling that they really matter
- Making better decisions in decision making
- Having great relationships because the communication is clear and precise in understandings
- Solving many communication issues through higher skills of knowledge, which means knowing what to say at the right moment, or not to say at all
- Understanding your relationship to yourself and how you communicate internally
If you are not using great communication skills there are going to be many situations in life you could across having many misunderstandings, lots of wasted effort and lots of repeated messages which can be very tiring and frustrating indeed.
I am sure you can really relate to this if you are a business owner or a manager where these tools and skills would be important part of your daily working life.
You can read about this in my ‘Get Your life Right Model’ on ‘Stratagem’, as this shows you through the models how you can understand your own communication and false beliefs.
People often find it so frustrating that they are very competent in many areas of their lives and they want desperately to be good communicators, yet fail to realise their fundamental and reoccurring errors.
What I have found is that people in corporate jobs do not excel on a personal level with relationship communication because they are not able to emotionally express themselves and become vulnerable.
Although this is exactly what they desire at a deeper level, and there is a need to connect and for others to understand them, they can struggle with this whole concept just getting by again.
The first places I take my clients is to this emotional state as it allows them to be in a safe place. Allowing them to explore this with me opens up some amazing communication tools for change.
Like anything in life here, there is a science behind this and wouldn’t it be so much easier if you just knew the rules or principals on how science works?